As a seasoned stay-at-home dad I should know better than to do a big shop with little helpers.
I guess it's like my relationship with KFC; every few years I just need reminding of why it's best avoided.
The warning signs were all there. Their eagerness to help for a start, that's not normal.
Like Riding a Bike
100 Years Young
Community Partner Award - Pride of Britain
Maybe it's because I helped out at school last year and now appear on a 'gullible parents' list, or possibly it's because when asked by his teacher, Luca told her I didn't work during the week and watched football all day. Either way, this week I was roped into helping out on his school trip.
I've never been good at accents. Ask me to voice more than two teddies and it can quickly descend into a picnic hosted by Jim Davidson.
My knowledge of animals isn't great either. Beyond the Farmyard and pages of 'Dear Zoo' it's pretty much all guesswork.
"Are you OK Sunshine?"
"Not bad thanks, could do without College tonight, but can't cry off again."
The question was aimed at Luca.
The reply came from a young lady stood behind me in the supermarket queue.
Seriously, who answers a stranger stood with his back to them? In fact, who answers to Sunshine over the age of three?
When I first met Janet I claimed I lived in Sale Barns and referred to Urmston as Outer Partington. In a similar vain I used to joke that I wouldn't use buses until they had a specified 1st-class section, in fact the whole problem with public transport was the public element.
I knew having children would come at the price of some sleep, and possibly a little sanity, but I hadn't realised there was a need to abstain from new music as well?
Before Sonny was born I was listening to bands that didn't even exist yet.
A couple of days before our drive up to Edinburgh 'someone' left the keys in the car overnight and drained the battery. I'll not say who, other than to repeat a phrase I overheard Janet say to the AA man,
“... yeah, he's a tit!
Father, caregiver, storyteller, teeth-brushing inspector, school-on-time deliverer, comic in residence, Mario Kart Grand Master ...
… but you don't need to ask them, because I've done it for you.
The boys Great Grandma turned 100 this week. 100!
The secret to her longevity? No idea, she doesn't speak a word of English.
I'm hoping it's watching Dallas box-sets, reruns of Jamie Oliver and her afternoon naps, in which case I'd better start planning for my extended retirement because that's not too far removed from my lifestyle now.
He was last seen taking constructive criticism from a two year old.
You see, Luca likes to inspect, as our builder will no doubt testify; if you can find him.
Having our backyard demolished and rebuilt has brought much excitement.