Bits and Bobs

Mark Parenting 14 Comments

bits and bobsI’m a hoarder.

Not of my own stuff, oh no, that disappears faster than my memories of a full nights sleep.

I’m a hoarder of tat. The kids tat. The kids cheap, plastic, worthless, often broken, rarely played with, curse-inducing when stepped on in the dark, tat.

So much have we accumulated that it now has its own box; and what a mistake that was.

What I’ve created is the perfect environment in which the tat can grow, mutate, multiply and replicate at a frightening rate. An industrial sized petri dish in which to spawn a tat pandemic.

What I’ve created is a monster!

There’s nothing a kids magazine can give away that we don’t already own a dozen of. Telescopes, walkie-talkies, finger puppets, stickers, and enough dinner sets to feed the five thousand teddy bears I don’t remember ever buying?

There’s memories of a bygone Happy Meal, the contents of at least six party bags, snapped off parts from board games we no longer own (and possibly never did), the ghosts of museum shop tantrums, and random plastic … bits(?) that may at one point have been attached to the hoover, and I’ll be honest, it could be weeks before that becomes apparent.

Broken crayons, raisins that probably entered as grapes, jigsaw pieces, figurines, dice, farmyard animals, LEGO, sunglasses, and building blocks.

Bits and bobs, odds and sods, thingymajigs, watchamacalits, doofers, gubbins, and so much more besides.

Well this week I reached breaking point; we needed a clear out.

So I asked Luca to help and quickly discovered the origins of the phrase ‘pissing in the wind’. We made two piles, one to keep and one to go. The latter consisted of half a bread-stick?

Unperturbed I waited until they were both in school, and with bin-bag in hand set about a tat cull. Nothing was sacred, if it wanted to stay it’d better have a damn good reason to be spared.

And here’s the result, in the form of a game of spot the difference ….

box of tatbox of tat

What, you can’t see any differences? C’mon you’re not trying hard enough, there’s five!

No? OK, here’s the answers…

(1) a Coco Pop. (2) a paper-clip. (3) half a clothes peg. (4) another Coco Pop. (5) I’m not sure what it was but it may have once been alive.

I know, I get it. I AM the problem but honestly, what would you have thrown away?

The broken plastic slinky? How could you, they’ve given him a name, Mr Humpty Doo.

The pipe-cleaner? Like Mr Maker won’t make a jet propelled hover board out of that the minute I’ve thrown it away.

The jigsaw piece? Do you know how many times I’ve had to do that jigsaw knowing this piece was missing!

The egg box? Shame on you, that’s a musical instrument!

I admit it, the bits and bobs box beat me, so I’ve asked Janet to take it on, and her clear-outs can be brutal.

So if you see me head first in the recycling bins please pull me out. I need help letting go of the dried out felt-tips and broken bubble wands. They really aren’t worth it.

Comments 14

  1. I can relate a bit to this one! My daughter has managed to accumulate a bit of what your sons have. And like you, I do a clear-out every few months. But unlike you, I do manage to throw a lot out 😉 though I have to do it without the little one around, or else nothing will happen!

  2. I go in Damien’s toy box about once a month. Mainly to retrieve the stuff that he’s nicked from school.
    It’s therapeutic to tip everything out and put everything back in it’s rightful place. This state of order lasts about one day but as chores go – it’s better than cleaning the lav. 😀

      1. Ah but you can’t kick em out at 16 now, Mark on account of them having to stay on at school until they are 18. Bad news huh? 🙁
        He’s nicking numbers lol
        He is now the Artful Dodger. 🙁

        1. 18? That’s a blow, and two more years before they can start paying into my pension pot.
          Send him to school in a creepy white suit and cite the Numbertaker as the ringleader.

          1. Have them take on a paper round as soon as it’s legal, Mark (are kids still allowed down chimneys?) and take a percentage for the pension pot. 😀
            Numberjacks are his obsession – he’d probably go for it. 😉

          2. It’s not yet legal? They’ve been out for two hours delivering UKIP leaflets, in case you were wondering just how low I’d stoop to cash in on them.

  3. I have a box devoted entirely to the tat from the front of kids’ magazines. When I can’t shut the lid then it’s bye bye mini Makka Pakka or so long mock mobile phone. I also – somewhat hopefully – keep a pile of the magazines that gave birth to the tat. Sadly these are in pristine condition – usually stripped of stickers but always unread. 🙁

  4. Lol we have various draws across the house with magical pieces of tat big and small – if we carry on at this rate we will be sleeping in the garden as will be unable to get in through the front door 😉

  5. Pingback: Mummy Bear’s Shout Out 8 | mummybearsblog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *