Rules of the Pool

Mark Parenting 6 Comments

Everyone knows the rules of the pool.

No running, ducking, bombing or heavy petting.

The latter might seem laughable to any younger readers, but before Easyjet flew you to Magaluf for a sleazy weekend, swimming pools were a hotbed of inappropriateness. A heady mix of plastic palm trees, wave machines, speedo’s and verruca socks.

By the mid-eighties, poolside petting had become an epidemic of amorousness.… read the full post.

Better Call Sonny

Mark Parenting, Popular 6 Comments

Had an accident in the playground that wasn’t your fault? Better call Sonny.

If it was your fault, say nothing and call him anyway.

This is a conversation we had a few days ago…

Sonny: “Have I got PPI?”

Me: “No”

Sonny: “You sure?”

Me: “Yep.”

Sonny: “… think I might have.”

Me: “Pretty sure you’ve not.”

Sonny: “…… might put a claim in anyway.”

WTF?… read the full post.

How to Survive the Apocalypse

Mark Parenting 3 Comments

The apocalypse in question being a four day screen ban. Yep, you read that right. Four days. Ninety eight hours. Five thousand, seven hundred and …

He only had himself to blame. He knew I was watching the football when he started working through his nightly ritual of why he couldn’t get to sleep. He needed tucking in for the umpteenth time.… read the full post.

Seeking Sanctuary on the Toilet

Mark Parenting, Rants 3 Comments

I’ve decided to embrace my inner grumpiness through a series of posts I’m calling ‘the mutterings of a middle-aged man’. And before you say it, no, it wasn’t always such; at least not officially.

And where better to start than this.

I’ll leave you to ponder this photo for a few seconds, although I should probably warn you, look away now if you’re easily irked…

 

Are we done?… read the full post.

It Started with a Dab

Mark Parenting 4 Comments

At first I thought he’d had a seizure. Then I assumed it must be a tribute to Thriller. An attempt at the YMCA in the style of his own illegible handwriting?

He wasn’t entertaining my questions.

“Whateves.”

Ooh, I know this one. You can put your urban dictionary away, this dad has skillz in the spoken word of the yoof. It means whatever.… read the full post.