Half-term and Halloween

Mark Parenting 8 Comments

This last half-term was one of self-discovery. Of sorts.

I discovered my blood pressure is intrinsically linked to their lack of symmetry when building with LEGO, and that I’d never considered myself a control freak until Luca offered to help with MY side of the colouring-in book.

I discovered there’s a massive leap between Junior Monopoly and the full version, and that there’s some hours of your life you’ll never get back.

I discovered that playing Taylor Swift on your phone somehow increases its battery life. I only gave it to Sonny because it was on 5%. After finally managing to ‘shake it off’ him after the hundredth play it was on 9%?!

I discovered the boys get their habit of walking away mid-conversation from me, when for their half-term breakfast(?) they requested porridge with sultanas, a cup of warm milk, an apple (peeled and cored) and a side bowl of …… they got Coco Pops.

And we all discovered Halloween isn’t for us.

I do feel partly responsible. I’ve been known to scream like a girl when catching my own reflection in the window. Teen Wolf gave me nightmares. I’d be surprised if my epitaph didn’t read,

β€œOne scare too many.”

And it’s not just in the genes. Last year I took them on the Spooky walk in our local park. Before we’d even got there some teenagers jumped out from behind a bush. Luca screamed, Sonny screamed, I *might have screamed, we went home.

(*I did.)

This year Sonny didn’t make it to his school Halloween disco, spooked by a toddler in a skeleton mask before we’d even reached the front door.

And poor Luca discovered that Halloween is not the season to be trusting his brother, and I know just how he feels.

As a child my sister and I would play the tasting game. You’d put something on a spoon and the other would have to guess what it was whilst blindfolded.

There was a pattern:

I’d give her milk, she’d give me ketchup.

I’d give her mayonnaise, she’d give me yoghurt.

I’d give her banana, she’d give me … tabasco sause/curry powder/washing up liquid/ear wax {delete as appropriate}

It’s a classic sibling manoeuvre. Trip them up by their own misguided trust.

The boys game involved leading each other around with their eyes closed.

There was a pattern:

Luca led Sonny out of the house, Sonny led Luca to the car.

Luca led into the lift, Sonny led out.

Luca led Sonny towards the supermarket. Sonny led Luca into a … bin/door/stranger/Halloween display {delete as appropriate}

The latter was a move my sister would have been proud of. As if walking blindly into a display isn’t shocking enough but then opening your eyes to find yourself buried beneath spiders, witch costumes and Frankenstein masks!? It was like a scene from the Aldi Chainsaw Massacre.

Suffice to say we didn’t make our ghostly biscuits. We skipped the Woolly and Tig Halloween party episode. And when they asked to have the landing light left on that night they didn’t get any complaints from me!

Comments 8

  1. Oh Mark, as always you made me laugh-out-loud! Love the stories about your growing-up-years with your wick…erhm… I meant lovely sisters πŸ˜‰ x

    1. Thank you. Writing more about my own childhood than the boys these days, they’re not giving me much material any more. I know, very selfish of them.

  2. Just hilarious!
    “It was like a scene from the Aldi Chainsaw Massacre.”
    That was an actual belly laugh, I have a warped sense of humour…
    I used to be evil to my older brother but only in self defence *coughs*
    I loved this post. It’s funny and a welcome break from the numerous ‘how to have a perfect Halloween’ posts out there which are all part fiction in my opinion lol

  3. The Taylor Swift thing is a bit spooky in itself. In the olden days that sort of thing would’ve landed her on the ducking stool. (Thanks for making me chuckle once again.)

    1. Far be it from me to accuse her of witch-craftery, but if the ducking stool was on YouTube no doubt we’d watch that too. Again, and again, and again, and …..

  4. Very good. I think Aldi have got their markering catchphrase for next halloween amd very admirable that you give them as much as half a page of your colouring. One mm out and my OCD kicks in when colouring. And your story of playing guess the taste took me back to scout camp, a blindfold and some rabit poo.
    As always very funny πŸ™‚
    Tom
    http://www.ideas4dads.net

    1. It’s not good, I’ll walk away in a huff before handing over my side of the colouring-in book! That’s the problem with this generation, no respect for the lines.

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