Stay At Home Dad Tips

Mark Fatherhood, Parenting, Popular 28 Comments

I’m on notice. In September Sonny starts school, Luca Nursery, and I’ll be a year closer to my early retirement; or actively looking for work if Janet asks.

Obviously we’ll need to discuss my retirement plans, just not before my six month Saga cruise has left port.

But it got me thinking about what I’ve learnt from my 18 months as a stay at home dad, and what tips I’d give another dad thinking about a career change. Turns out not a lot, but here are a few random thoughts;-

THE PARK

Where most stay at home parents can be found searching for their sanity after spending too long in the house.

TIP …

Learn the rules of the roundabout. You never want to be the nearest adult to the roundabout. That’s a mistake you’ll only make once; some of those kids aren’t yours! You’ll know it’s happened when you hear the collective snigger from all the other parents who’ll have suddenly found something of interest far, far away from any risk of roundabout responsibility.

 

DRESS CODE

There isn’t one. If ever you doubted the laziness of the male species then just take a look around any Playgroup and spot the stay at home dad without a beard.

TIP …

Be aware that with toddlers you’ll adopt positions on the floor not practised since you were a kid yourself, and with it open up a Pandora’s box of possible wardrobe malfunctions. Last week I found myself sat cross-legged at Playgroup. Not the place to discover gaping holes in the crotch of your jeans.
Did anyone highlight my plight?
Nope. No-one. Was it really too much to expect a quiet,

“Please could you put your penis away”?

Apparently so.

 

ACTIVITIES

A fundamental part of being a stay at home parent. Often a time when my parenting skills can be properly judged by the amount of glitter found in the following days nappy.

TIP …

Avoid Mr Maker, the arch Nemesis of all things crafty. What he calls his ‘doodle drawer’ is little more than the landfill of Narnia. You’ll spend months collecting yoghurt pots, pipe cleaners, and coloured card only to hear him say,

“What you’ll need is the teardrop of a Congolese anaconda, the faint whisper from a fairy, and two googly eyes.”

 

NURSERY

The days of the week when being out of the house before 9am isn’t just a fanciful dream.

TIP …

Don’t confuse the late book with an honesty box. They really don’t need to know the reason you were late was because of an argument over why it wasn’t appropriate for him to turn up to Nursery in his mothers knickers.

 

LUNCH

A time when you realise that as the only adult in the house the healthiness of their diet becomes your sole responsibility.

TIP …

Obviously it would be wrong to just give them a lump of cheese, so instead, dress it up in a sandwich with a token piece of cucumber then turn a blind eye while they strip it apart and just eat the cheese.

 

HOUSEWORK

It’s in the small-print and not to be confused with the panic tidying reserved for when you realise your other half is due home in a matter of minutes.

TIP …

Smear the kids in paint and glitter then pretend your activities are the reason zero housework has been done.

I’d probably best cross-reference my tips against those proffered by Gina Ford in her parenting book I’ve never read, although I’m pretty sure we’ll be singing off the same song-sheet.

Comments 28

  1. Thanks for the tips….:) They’re brilliant! the little man is at school now and he thought it was a very good idea to tell me firmly “Now you have no more babies, It’s just you at home!”

  2. Oh yes, I’m with you on all of those, especially the clothing thing. I’ve had my arse hanging out of jeans before my wife has asked if I knew of the issue. I also now don’t own any jeans that don’t have ripped knees. It would seem denim can’t cope with playing with a toddler full time.

    As for the park roundabout thing – I have no problem with that. I enjoy the play 🙂

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      I like to think denim isn’t made like it used to be, then realised my jeans are so old they actually are how they used to be made.

  3. Housework. Yes, I remember it. Before our second was born I occasionally did some!

    Great advice about the roundabout, by the way. I found myself closest to the roundabout just the other day and ended up spinning it round for the next hour.

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      I found myself with roundabout responsibility yesterday too. Was distracted by a phone call and then it was too late.

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  4. Brilliant.

    Thought the first TIP was a continuation of where to take the kids – strange bloke I thought…

    ‘Hanging Out’ at playgroup just gave me flashbacks of Friends when one of the girl’s boyfriend kept standing with his leg raised on the chair.

    and is really wrong to give your kid a lump of cheese? best rethink my menus.

    Fab post thoroughly enjoyed it.

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  5. Pingback: Our Top 5 Dad Blogs this Week / It's My Generation Blog

  6. Oh poor old you at nursery with the split jeans…………… Had a major chortle at this. I agree they could have told you to put the “mouse back in the house”!!!!

  7. A simply brilliant post full of tips. Do you know what? I never even realised the roundabout thing before know – I just went along with the ‘pushing the kids’ deal. I shan’t be so easily fooled in future. Thank you so much for linking to PoCoLo and welcome 🙂 x

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      Thanks for all the comments. My blog is back to hanging by a thread and it’s not letting me reply individually but thank-you, very much apreciated.

  8. Brrrrilliant post. Really marvelous. How I love finding blogs like this.

    The other thing is, I am the sort of person who would have happily informed you to tuck away your penis – never understood when people don’t offer this simple courtesy!

  9. Oh the joy that brought me, I go to work in our house and my wife stays at home but she must share your tips of the house tidying, “quick tidy up daddies home soon” you can just hear it now as I am due to leave work for home lol.

  10. So funny going to share this with my newly stay at home dad cousin. I have a Mister Maker craft cupboard now but the problem is there is a back and it does not lead to Narnia.

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