For us Northerners, Blackpool illuminations is a rite of passage. It's a coming of age moment. Right up there with your first Greggs pasty, chip barms and rickets.
I'll not lie, I had high expectations. So much so I may have bigged it up a little too much.
Duinrell Family Park - Canvas Holidays
Big Shop with Little Helpers
Like Riding a Bike
Today I found myself stood at the checkout a broken man, my hollow eyes staring into the abyss (or whatever Tesco call their café).
Around my ankles a battle ensued. Power Ranger versus Sonic. Cucumber versus swinging bag of carrots.
Shoppers looked on incredulously, clearly thinking,
"Surely you're going to do ... something?"
So I did. I shrugged my shoulders.
On Friday, Luca emerged excitedly from school with the class bear tucked under his arm, along with a book chronicling its previous adventures. A book that reads more like the ultimate '50 things to do before you die' than any weekend I've ever experienced.
My weekend plans were in tatters.
It may seem a little premature to be writing a review of 2016, but I'm not sure what my internet signal will be like if I need to bunker down with a four-year supply of tinned sardines and a wind-up torch. If Vodafone's coverage in my kitchen is anything to go by, it's not looking good.
A few months ago I read what was possibly my favourite ever tweet …
At the time it really made me chuckle. Not so much now.
You see that 68-year-old man is a comrade; a true brother in arms.
Everyone knows the rules of the pool.
No running, ducking, bombing or heavy petting.
The latter might seem laughable to any younger readers, but before Easyjet flew you to Magaluf for a sleazy weekend, swimming pools were a hotbed of inappropriateness. A heady mix of plastic palm trees, wave machines, speedo's and verruca socks.
We had a lovely day in the sun yesterday at Quarry Bank Mill. We parked a nice walk away through the woods so we could follow the river (and the ducks) to the mill.
For once the day was shame-free for everyone.
Which came first, the campsite or the amusement park?
As is often the case, my question fell on deaf ears as we arrived at the fabulous Duinrell Holiday Park in the Netherlands, courtesy of Canvas Holidays.
Another day, another battle over a Parent and Toddler (P&T) parking space... I really need to direct my anger in a more productive way.