For us Northerners, Blackpool illuminations is a rite of passage. It's a coming of age moment. Right up there with your first Greggs pasty, chip barms and rickets.
I'll not lie, I had high expectations. So much so I may have bigged it up a little too much.
Duinrell Family Park - Canvas Holidays
Big Shop with Little Helpers
Like Riding a Bike
It's been five years in the making but I've nailed it. The holy grail of parenting. Finally, I've mastered 'the look'.
I've been close for a while. As a grumpy, middle-aged cynic I've had the raised brow of indignation for longer than I can remember; that wind changed a long time ago.
You know the whole 'I'd always put my kids first' malarkey.
You often hear it said on the Jeremy Kyle show, just before it's revealed they went on a six day bender to Benidorm leaving their kids home alone with some Pop-Tarts and a Fruit Shoot.
I'd always assumed the path to embarrassing dad status would be a gradual one. A prolonged period of otherwise insignificant events, condensed into a single anecdote. A retrospective title earned through hindsight on my part and much exaggeration on theirs.
Talking a little too loudly about someone on the very next table, maybe.
As a seasoned stay-at-home dad I should know better than to do a big shop with little helpers.
I guess it's like my relationship with KFC; every few years I just need reminding of why it's best avoided.
The warning signs were all there. Their eagerness to help for a start, that's not normal.
It's been a grim fortnight with both the boys suffering a week each of fever and phlegm.
It's been so prolonged Sonny has started referring to Calpol as a pudding. Luca has a Calpol dance!?
Two weeks house-bound has meant they've had to draw up a gentleman’s agreement on some house rules.
On Friday Sonny brought Toffee home from school. Toffee the bear.
He was really excited, Luca was jealous, and me, well I kissed goodbye to my weekend of doing nothing.
Let's face it, nothing inflicts some culture on your weekend quite like your child bringing home the class teddy.
I mentioned him on Twitter and discovered I wasn't alone.
A couple of weeks ago I saw an advert for Gulliver's World and thought what most people do, lets go to Alton Towers! Lets face it, they don't need to advertise as every other Theme Park does it for them.
Which came first, the campsite or the amusement park?
As is often the case, my question fell on deaf ears as we arrived at the fabulous Duinrell Holiday Park in the Netherlands, courtesy of Canvas Holidays.
My childhood was one big game of hide and seek, or more accurately hide, jump out, and measure your success on the pitch of the ensuing scream. Even at 38 I still feel a sense of anxiety if either of my sisters are in the house and I don't know exactly where they are at any given time.
One thing I'm not short of is craft ideas. Take a look at my browser history and ... whoa, what are you doing? I didn't mean literally, pass me my laptop back! What you'll find, amongst other things, is a plethora of craft activities I've bookmarked for a rainy day.
I've got post election blues. It's been four days since the election and I still feel numb. To liken it to mourning is maybe overstating it a little, but the five stages of dealing with grief still resonate.
Stage One - Denial
Denial came and went as quickly as Sunderland counts its votes. Exit polls had been wrong before.