For us Northerners, Blackpool illuminations is a rite of passage. It's a coming of age moment. Right up there with your first Greggs pasty, chip barms and rickets.
I'll not lie, I had high expectations. So much so I may have bigged it up a little too much.
Duinrell Family Park - Canvas Holidays
Big Shop with Little Helpers
Like Riding a Bike
A lot has been written about World Book Day, and rightly so.
A celebration of authors, illustrators, books and reading. Shared in over one hundred countries. A beautifully uncomplicated premise in an otherwise complicated world.
And yet, like any parade, some people can't wait to piss on it. The main target of their ire? Dressing up.
I can empathise with HMRC. You start with a basic fundamental principal that relies on the goodwill of all concerned (i.e. Pay. Your. Tax), and before long the less scrupulous are finding ways around it.
So you legislate. You introduce new laws that inevitably get flouted, so you legislate some more.
I'm not one for new year resolutions, what with me being willpower intolerant and all.
Don't mock me now, it's a genuine medical condition. The nurse diagnosed me as such at my over-forty health check. I think. She definitely mentioned something about willpower, the rest was a little hazy.
Everyone knows the rules of the pool.
No running, ducking, bombing or heavy petting.
The latter might seem laughable to any younger readers, but before Easyjet flew you to Magaluf for a sleazy weekend, swimming pools were a hotbed of inappropriateness. A heady mix of plastic palm trees, wave machines, speedo's and verruca socks.
Sonny has numerous favourites, teddy one, teddy two, elephant, chicken, rabbit one, two, three ...
Which came first, the campsite or the amusement park?
As is often the case, my question fell on deaf ears as we arrived at the fabulous Duinrell Holiday Park in the Netherlands, courtesy of Canvas Holidays.
We've reached a difficult stage with our bedtime reading. Sonny wants a lengthier story, Luca still wants a picture book, and if I'm honest, I just want to be done before Great British Bake Off starts.
Despite the Toad Brigade being a mainstay of the Super Mario series they rarely get a lead role, more likely to be seen loitering like lost tourists or offering words of wisdom like wizen weary travellers.