For us Northerners, Blackpool illuminations is a rite of passage. It's a coming of age moment. Right up there with your first Greggs pasty, chip barms and rickets.
I'll not lie, I had high expectations. So much so I may have bigged it up a little too much.
Duinrell Family Park - Canvas Holidays
Big Shop with Little Helpers
Like Riding a Bike
I'm good at doing nothing. Really good. I'm not blowing my own trumpet, that would be doing something, and my expertise is definitely in doing nothing.
In its purest form I'm a master. I can sit on the sofa without distraction and do absolutely nothing for hours.
When Janet asks what I'm thinking,
"Nothing", is an honest reply.
Today I found myself stood at the checkout a broken man, my hollow eyes staring into the abyss (or whatever Tesco call their café).
Around my ankles a battle ensued. Power Ranger versus Sonic. Cucumber versus swinging bag of carrots.
Shoppers looked on incredulously, clearly thinking,
"Surely you're going to do ... something?"
So I did. I shrugged my shoulders.
The boys have reached the age where they're learning about the circle of life.
It's a wonderful period of discovery. At school they have a mini-beast hotel and a butterfly garden. An allotment and a pond. They've witnessed tadpoles become frogs, and fed lambs on a farm.
But it's not so much a circle as an arc.
A lot has been written about World Book Day, and rightly so.
A celebration of authors, illustrators, books and reading. Shared in over one hundred countries. A beautifully uncomplicated premise in an otherwise complicated world.
And yet, like any parade, some people can't wait to piss on it. The main target of their ire? Dressing up.
I've not blogged over the summer holidays. I'd like to say it was a self-imposed sabbatical, but that would be ignoring the hours sat sobbing in front of a blank screen calculating how many hours it was until school re-opened.
Not that I'm bitter but if I have to spell phonetically then it's only fair that you should too!
You see Sonny is learning to read. Luca is learning his alphabet.
Another day, another battle over a Parent and Toddler (P&T) parking space... I really need to direct my anger in a more productive way.
… and it's difficult not to be swept up by it all.
To be honest, I think the kids may have already peaked. Wake up any earlier and they'll be eating their breakfast yesterday.
I blame the advent calendar. Who doesn't want to wake up at 5am for a suspiciously greying chocolate from a traditionally festive Marvel Avengers calendar?