For us Northerners, Blackpool illuminations is a rite of passage. It's a coming of age moment. Right up there with your first Greggs pasty, chip barms and rickets.
I'll not lie, I had high expectations. So much so I may have bigged it up a little too much.
Duinrell Family Park - Canvas Holidays
Big Shop with Little Helpers
Like Riding a Bike
Things I've learnt (and not) this week...
People who work are grumpy.
I'm not suggesting all people, but those of us at home during the day say hello when we pass in the street you know. Well, unless you live at No 42.
Every day for a year I've said hello. Nothing. Every day I swear I'll not bother tomorrow.
The boys have reached the age where they're learning about the circle of life.
It's a wonderful period of discovery. At school they have a mini-beast hotel and a butterfly garden. An allotment and a pond. They've witnessed tadpoles become frogs, and fed lambs on a farm.
But it's not so much a circle as an arc.
For the purposes of this post, all kids names are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, albeit blindingly obvious to those who know them so I should probably stop right now, but ...
I have a confession to make.
I'm already judging Sonny and Luca's friends at school.
We've found a great new playgroup that's within walking distance; although I'm not sure we'll be going back.
For once it was Sonny who took the family shame, and Luca and I who brought it upon him.
Everything was going well until a mother made the mistake of making conversation.
"Are you OK Sunshine?"
"Not bad thanks, could do without College tonight, but can't cry off again."
The question was aimed at Luca.
The reply came from a young lady stood behind me in the supermarket queue.
Seriously, who answers a stranger stood with his back to them? In fact, who answers to Sunshine over the age of three?
Strange things are afoot. Tales are emerging of a grim creature intent on frightening children and adults alike. So terrifying it would give a killer clown the willies.
Rumour has it he's the result of an experiment that went horribly wrong. An ambiguous mix of chemistry and alchemy. One part stay-at-home dad, many parts don't-make-me-get-a-job.
The boys have never stayed in a hotel before, and with Luca having FINALLY broken through the 0.
Which came first, the campsite or the amusement park?
As is often the case, my question fell on deaf ears as we arrived at the fabulous Duinrell Holiday Park in the Netherlands, courtesy of Canvas Holidays.
Sorry, I lied, it absolutely is another back to school post. What can you do, I called it The Tales of Sonny and Luca. You make your bed, you lie in it.
Sonny started Juniors today, but he'll not forget his time in infants, not least because those memories are still etched across his tie in gravy.
I'm outraged. Outraged I tell ya! Outraged by the amount of mock outrage there is on social media. It's nothing short of, well, outrageous.
What ever happened to being a little annoyed? A tad miffed? Moderately irked?
I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure this level of mock outrage is a modern phenomenon. It wasn't always such.
Due to hand-held technology the dexterity of our thumbs is evolving at a frightening rate.
In fifty years they'll apparently have superseded the forefinger as the preferred digit with which to point.
Well most people, I suspect my boys are going to persevere with their lazy nod.