Everyone knows the rules of the pool.
No running, ducking, bombing or heavy petting.
The latter might seem laughable to any younger readers, but before Easyjet flew you to Magaluf for a sleazy weekend, swimming pools were a hotbed of inappropriateness. A heady mix of plastic palm trees, wave machines, speedo’s and verruca socks.
By the mid-eighties, poolside petting had become an epidemic of amorousness.… read the full post.
I didn’t write about the horrific attack on the Manchester Arena at the time. I tried, on numerous occasions, but everything I put down on paper seemed desperately inadequate, blurred further by a myriad of emotions that fluctuated between anger, despair, defiance and sorrow.
This was my city. My streets. My community. It felt personal.
But over the following days and weeks, one emotion proved stronger than all before it.… read the full post.
We have an allotment.
A sentence that may come as a surprise to those who know me but less so when I explain how it came about.
You see, when it comes to buying presents I often struggle for inspiration. Especially for those special occasions that creep up on you when you least expect them. Like Christmas.
My usual coping mechanism involves deep breaths and Amazon vouchers, but occasionally the mist of panic clears, through which emerges a sign.… read the full post.
Had an accident in the playground that wasn’t your fault? Better call Sonny.
If it was your fault, say nothing and call him anyway.
This is a conversation we had a few days ago…
Sonny: “Have I got PPI?”
Me: “No”
Sonny: “You sure?”
Me: “Yep.”
Sonny: “… think I might have.”
Me: “Pretty sure you’ve not.”
Sonny: “…… might put a claim in anyway.”
WTF?… read the full post.
It seems like only yesterday that my dreams were haunted by the soundtrack to Yo-kai Watch. The auto-correct on my phone has never fully recovered from the boys incessant searching for the favourite foods of Cutta-nah-nah, Slacka-slash and the talking buttocks that is Cheeksqueek.
To be fair, my auto-correct never had a problem with Cheeksqueek although why is nobodies business beyond me, Google and possibly my doctor.… read the full post.
