Category Archive

You know the whole ‘I’d always put my kids first’ malarkey.

You often hear it said on the Jeremy Kyle show, just before it’s revealed they went on a six day bender to Benidorm leaving their kids home alone with some Pop-Tarts and a Fruit Shoot.

Or a blurry meme on Facebook that looks like a greetings card bought in Woolworths circa 1978 and overshared to within an inch of its life.… read the full post.

I’d always assumed the path to embarrassing dad status would be a gradual one. A prolonged period of otherwise insignificant events, condensed into a single anecdote. A retrospective title earned through hindsight on my part and much exaggeration on theirs.

Talking a little too loudly about someone on the very next table, maybe. A drunken dance at a wedding, quite possibly.… read the full post.

I’m not one for judging other peoples parenting skills. Well, how can I when as toddlers my boys could turn any public space into a thrash metal moshpit of despair at the drop of a hat … or glove … or raisin.

I’ll always remember one such occasion in a supermarket when a lovely old lady walked over, looked down at Sonny spreadeagled beneath the magazines, then back up at me and said,

“They can be little shits can’t they!”

Words I never would have imagined coming out of her mouth, less still,

“You know, most angelic toddlers turn into teenage pricks.… read the full post.

It’s been a tough few days in my quest for eternal youth, and my self-esteem has taken a bit of battering in the process.

Yesterday whilst walking through the park, I heard,

“Yo grandad! Can you pass us our ball?”

Grandad? GRANDAD?! Sorry, but would a grandad be able to do … jeez, my back!

“Sorry lads, good luck getting your ball out of the tree.”

I’d like to say it was an act of defiance.… read the full post.

I’ve invested heavily in the boys education. By invested I don’t mean financially, obviously. There’s no way they’re going to a fee paying prep school so long as I’m still watching my football on a not-so-flat-screen TV. It’s more of an emotional investment.

And by education I’m not talking about the three Rs. I appreciate those are important too, but it’s not like failing my 11+ prevented me from becoming a … ah, stay-at-home dad.… read the full post.