Damn you Dyson

Mark Parenting, Popular 17 Comments

We are no longer allowed within 100 yards of any public toilet. Not on legal grounds I should add (although worrying I felt that necessary), but because Sonny lost a fight with a hand-dryer.

Not your standard namby-pamby hand-dryer that gently tickles the water from your hands, no, Sonny chose to battle a Turbo powered Dyson hand-dryer. The type that blows so hard it gives you a glimpse of how your hands will look in 20 years time.

I was mid-wee, what could I do? I saw his inquisitive hand approach the machine and shouted,

“Don’t put your hand in there!”

He assumed I was talking to a urinal inspecting Luca.

He reached in, the dryer roared into life, and all the skin on his arms (and possibly his legs) shot upwards before flapping around his neck in a Dyson induced tornado.

Did I mention I was mid-wee?

Sensing his distress Luca sprung into action and headed for a closer look. Unfortunately in his haste he slipped on what was probably his own tears of laughter and fell to the ground knocking Sonny’s feet from under him in the process.

I realise the sensible thing to do would have been to calm them both down and leave the toilets in an orderly fashion.

What I did was open the door on which they were both now hysterically clawing at, allowed them to crawl out, stumble to their feet, and run screaming towards the front doors of the library.

The situation further exasperated by me chasing after them whilst still tucking away my tackle.

In order to reassure the concerned onlookers I casually remarked,

“They’re mine”.

Obviously by this I meant my children, don’t worry, nothing to see here, as you were.
In hindsight, I realise I may have appeared more like an aggressive child-snatcher refusing to share what he’d snared.

You don’t really appreciate public toilets until you have children. You certainly don’t truly appreciate them though until they’re off limits.

I’ve now had to cut back on my caffeine intake for fear of being caught short out of the house.

The situation isn’t helped by Luca’s sudden penchant for having a poo on arrival wherever he goes. A more cynical man may think he’s exploiting his brothers fear for his own amusement!

Who am I kidding, I am that cynical man and I’m as equally unimpressed as his big brother!

Comments 17

  1. I did wonder where that fear came from. Do you know sonny won’t even entertain the idea of going in a toilet with a hand dryer in there now? And when i do trick him in he glues himself on the opposite wall all the whilst keeping an unnerving eye on the handdryer incase it goes off.

  2. I like the idea of Luca leaving a poo as soon as he arrives. How better to stake his territory? And at least you just have to deal with finding a loo when you’re still there, not just after you’ve left. When my son Austin was potty training, he needed to go every time we were 10 minutes away from the place we’d just visited….lots of fertilised trees and bushes round our way!

  3. Very funny! My oldest got over her fear of hand dryers quite quickly and she’s now discovered the fun side. Just a shame you can’t get your face in a Dyson!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Hilarious!

    Both mine had a fear of hand dryers for quite a while – I still have a fear of the dyson ones. I can’t look, won’t look. I really do not want to know what I look like in 20 years time. Its not pretty.

  5. Love it! Thankfully mine are nearly at the stage where they can go in on their own, and I can’t wait! You will no doubt look back on this and laugh one day (if you’re not already!) ๐Ÿ˜€

  6. Sorry to laugh at your situation, but it is very funny. Sympathise too, my daughter is terrified of those Dyson things-I’m paranoid about going into public toilets now in case we have the screaming and tears!

  7. That made me properly laugh out loud!!! Sorry to laugh at your misfortune but this is hilarious……….those hand dryers are a bit of a nightmare, perhaps a sign saying use at your own peril!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. That’s hilarious! I swear toilets are where parents get the most embarrassing moments! Mine always open the door on me… At the wrong time obviously…

  9. My son hates any hand-dryer. He tries to drag me away from public toilet doors in case there’s a drier inside. Nightmare when you’re out all day and need to pee.

  10. Aww poor love – those Dyson dryers are NOISEY aren’t they!

    My lad would have been hysterical. Love how you put such a comicial spin on it.

  11. oh dear, poor wee soul. I shouldn’t laugh, but this is like something that would happen to me. My daughter once crawled under the toilet door in sainsburys, leaving me mid pee. An adult actually opened the main door and let her out into the supermarket, she was 18months old at the time!

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  13. Oh how funny and oh how true! We had a terrible toilet incident in a posh car showroom (long story). I called it Poogate.

  14. Pingback: Dyson Challenge | test Sonny & Luca

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