House of ill

Mark Parenting 7 Comments

It’s been a grim fortnight with both the boys suffering a week each of fever and phlegm.

It’s been so prolonged Sonny has started referring to Calpol as a pudding. Luca has a Calpol dance!?

Two weeks house-bound has meant they’ve had to draw up a gentleman’s agreement on some house rules.

They’ve agreed their levels of irritation:

  1. The pout and point.
  2. The growl.
  3. The “I don’t like you …..!”
  4. The ‘In-your-face’ tribal scream.
  5. The Meltdown.


Up until level four anything goes. Any amount of mockery or argument. No toy or space sacred.

At level four they’re allowed to call in what’s theirs. Sofa, favourite cars, choice of what they watch. There’s no right of appeal by level four.

We’ve had a few fives these last two weeks. We all leave the room on a five!

Having already endured two weeks of half-term misery, it was no wonder the activities were beginning to test their patience.

On Thursday we spent the afternoon snapping spaghetti. Why? Because we’d snapped all the linguine in the morning. My imagination knows no bounds!

The working title of my book is ‘Two half-term activities with spaghetti … and linguine’.

So desperate were we by week four that we set about finding a dozen uses for a nappy box.


things to do with a box

We could have gone on but for the damn robot. We tried the box on for size. We couldn’t get it back off. Luca panicked. I panicked. Carnage.

It’s not all bad though. There’s been times when neither has been grumpy and they’ve enjoyed each others company. They’ve chased each other. Made each other laugh. Shared a joke. Even held hands while walking to town. Occasionally you could even be excused for thinking they were genuine friends!?

We’ve talked. Together. They ask incessant questions, they get incessant answers; some of which may be daddy-facts I admit, and no doubt they’ll come back to haunt them at school, but they do get answers all the same.

We discussed what they’d like to be when they’re older. Luca is only interested in hunting dinosaur bones. Sonny would like to be Michael Portillo. I kid you not!

Initially I assumed Michael Gove had slipped ‘Tory Party Greats’ into the pre-school curriculum. I’m still not convinced he hasn’t. If after watching Tree Fu Tom, Sonny casually remarks about the good-for-nothing miners I’ll be asking questions.

It was a relief to find out he’d actually been watching Portillo’s Railway Journeys with Janet. Still, there’s nothing quite so pompous as a three year old referencing ex-Tory Ministers in the Supermarket.

Next week we’ve agreed to go out. A LOT!

Comments 7

  1. Ah… the daddy facts:) We have them or should I say one, in this house too! The daddy has since the diglots were tiny told them that he is the real Spiderman. It hasn’t been doubted yet by any of them but surely it can’t be long now can it??
    Have a lovely Sunday:)

    Mark replied ….
    I don’t think Superman’s true identity need ever be known … you’ve years left on that one me thinks!

  2. Ah, I’m feeling your pain – and that’s only after 5 days. Today the inevitable transmission of lurgy to parent occurred so even spaghetti snapping is off the cards. May good health be in your home ASAP!

    Mark replied …
    You have my sympathy … and possibly my lurgy … get well soon x

  3. you didn’t go on to use the spaghetti did you? (without giving it a good wipe!?)
    One of Alfie’s first words was calpol (I was so proud!)
    Hope you’re all feeling better by now…see you weds, fee

    Mark replied …

    It cooks in boiling water … why wipe?

  4. Favourite post I think. Love the 5 levels, need to install some myself in this house. See you end of the week
    Nelly xxx

  5. I get whole spaghetti thing, just don’t feed it to gold fish… but why wouldn’t you use the nappy box for a hat?! That’s the first thing you should do with a box then you sit in it to slide down the stairs!

    Mark replied …

    I can’t be trusted with children AND a fish to look after!
    The box would’ve been a hat had I not made the hole too big … albeit not big enough to get it back off again.

  6. FOUR WEEKS!!!? You’re lucky to all still be alive.

    We too have been lurgy-ridden for the best part of a month. My only saving grace has been the ability to wrap Gwen in 20 layers, before bundling the little snot-monkey out into the cold, for a pram-sprint around the park with her brother….

    Mark replied …..

    It was touch and go for a while as to whether we’d come out the other side. Hope you’re all feeling better soon.

  7. The Michael Portillo bit made me laugh out loud and almost wake the convalescing toddler 🙂

    Mark replied …..

    Isn’t it strange what they pick up on. Not the train he was riding on but the man himself?!

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