Snot, poo, and tears

Mark Parenting Leave a Comment

There’s a (not so) commonly held belief that in this year of 2012 an alignment of negative forces will signify the beginning of the end of the world. Not wanting to sound pessimistic but I think it may just have happened!

Trying to change the boys first nappies in the morning is like hunting down a pack of wildebeest, picking off the weakest animal first which is normally Luca as Sonny always seeks sanctuary in his ‘nest’ behind the sofa.

Yesterday morning however Sonny’s guard was down and as he strolled past me I pounced, holding him down on the change mat and whipping off his nappy. At this point all the aforementioned forces fell neatly into place.

First was the tearful tantrum of a toddler out-maneuvered. His response was to fight back with an explosion of unrestrained poo, before completing the trilogy with a sneeze that contained more than his own body weight in tearful snot, and that defied the laws of physics by ending up in his eyes; the whole time thrashing around like a fish out of water.

As I attempted an emergency clean-up the realisation hit me that not only did I not have any nappies in the room, but both the wipes and tissue box were empty.

At this point Luca switched from the hunted to the hunter and circled the situation stumbling over toys to get the best view.

By the time I returned to the room it resembled what I can only describe as a Pete Doherty post-party flat!

I’m not sure why I’m recounting this story, other than my councillor always told me that traumatic events needed talking about, and if no-one listened then the next best thing is to put it in writing.


On a lighter note, the days comedy value was entirely down to Sonny.

Not wanting to go home after a walk to the market, his strop was interrupted by walking straight into a lamppost before bouncing off in a way I thought only possible in cartoons, and landing in a heap on the floor. Perhaps I shouldn’t have found it so funny, but he compounded his embarrassment by turning to a group of mothers behind us and proclaiming,

“Phew, that was close… unbelievable!”


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