I’m sure there were political and footballing reasons behind FIFA giving the World Cup to Brazil, although I like to think there was a stay-at-home dad on the organising committee too.
An early game while the kids eat their dinner, then a break to put them to bed before more football? Surely not a coincidence.
Ok, so their homework is being a tad neglected but I have incorporated the World Cup into their Early Years curriculum. Well, they know more countries than they did two weeks ago.
They also know if dinner isn’t ready by 4.30pm it’ll be the wrong side of 7.
That when the commentator mentions extra-time he means before they have to go to bed; and once there it’ll be 45 minutes between me checking whether they’re asleep.
It’s not just the kids who are learning from this World Cup though.
Janet thought my lack of housework over these last few months was down to laziness, when in reality I was just acclimatising her to the state of the house for when the football’s on. Lets face it, I was never going to watch all the 11pm games without off-setting them against an afternoon nap.
I’ve learnt that if you buy your England merchandise late enough you can make use of the seven day money back guarantee.
That whatever I might say throughout the day, by 10.55pm I will have found a reason to justify staying up for Honduras vs Ecuador.
I’ve discovered the best goals will be scored while I’m asleep on the sofa in a pool of my own dribble; and that my grumpiness the following morning can be blamed on any number of nations.
I know I can get to half-time uninterrupted if I make the kids eat their jelly and ice cream with chopsticks, and that they’ll watch an entire Brazil game if I suggest playing ‘spot the superhero’. They don’t need to know it starts and ends with Hulk. (I may have told them to keep an eye out for Green Lantern coming off the bench).
It’s also a great excuse for a get-together, so when Waitrose asked me to host a football party I was more than happy to oblige.
I say host, my sister did the hosting, and most of the cooking, but I did provide the ingredients, bunting, music, and my samba hips, obviously.